Tales from the Checkout Line: Clogs, cat food, pimples

This is the first of what will hopefully be several installments of what is an attempt to give voice to a social phenomenon long ignored in the web punditsphere.  Namely, stuff I’ve observed in the checkout line.

Item 1:

Store: Target

I had occassion to observe in detail what the person in front of me was buying due to a protracted price check debacle.  The woman in question was middle aged and approximately 4’6″ in height.  Two items were queued up for purchase –  a stack of DVDs that must have constituted every Stephen Segal movie ever made, and a pair of shoes that happened to be the exact same model of shoe as those she was wearing.  They were black, 8″ clogs.  Check my previous comment about her height – I guess she was actually 3’10”.

Item 2:

Store: HyVee

Today we ran out of catfood, which would normally be no big deal – kitty starves until tomorrow.  In this case, however, the kitty was particularly well behaved and engaging all evening – and topped things off with an excellent bald spot massage from her perch on the back of the couch.  I was touched – to the extent that I felt obligated to go out and get her some food.  To wit, I proceeded through the checkout line with 4 cans of cat food and a pineapple.  As I was leaving, I couldn’t help but notice that the guy behind me was buying a pineapple as well.  Ordinarily this would be the extent of my observation, but due to my existing contract with NASA to tediously document everything I see and experience in the checkout line, I looked further.  I saw that in addition to the pineapple, he was buying 4 CANS OF CATFOOD.  I pointed this out to the clerk – it seemed almost like my civic duty to do so – and he was underwhelmed.  Poor, jaded teenager.  Poor, jaded, pimply teenager.



  1. You frickin’ idiot. Call the police. You’re being stalked.

  2. Dang, you think it might be this guy?

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s