Tales from the Checkout Line: Clogs, cat food, pimples

This is the first of what will hopefully be several installments of what is an attempt to give voice to a social phenomenon long ignored in the web punditsphere.  Namely, stuff I’ve observed in the checkout line.

Item 1:

Store: Target

I had occassion to observe in detail what the person in front of me was buying due to a protracted price check debacle.  The woman in question was middle aged and approximately 4’6″ in height.  Two items were queued up for purchase –  a stack of DVDs that must have constituted every Stephen Segal movie ever made, and a pair of shoes that happened to be the exact same model of shoe as those she was wearing.  They were black, 8″ clogs.  Check my previous comment about her height – I guess she was actually 3’10”.

Item 2:

Store: HyVee

Today we ran out of catfood, which would normally be no big deal – kitty starves until tomorrow.  In this case, however, the kitty was particularly well behaved and engaging all evening – and topped things off with an excellent bald spot massage from her perch on the back of the couch.  I was touched – to the extent that I felt obligated to go out and get her some food.  To wit, I proceeded through the checkout line with 4 cans of cat food and a pineapple.  As I was leaving, I couldn’t help but notice that the guy behind me was buying a pineapple as well.  Ordinarily this would be the extent of my observation, but due to my existing contract with NASA to tediously document everything I see and experience in the checkout line, I looked further.  I saw that in addition to the pineapple, he was buying 4 CANS OF CATFOOD.  I pointed this out to the clerk – it seemed almost like my civic duty to do so – and he was underwhelmed.  Poor, jaded teenager.  Poor, jaded, pimply teenager.